There are many misconceptions that people embrace, especially when it comes to new marriages. It's easy to get caught up in thinking things should automatically be a certain way when two people are in love. Unfortunately, it doesn't always work like that. Sure we had other plans as a couple... wait to have a baby, perhaps travel the world, settle with six-figure careers. But I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason and that God would not give us something we can't bear... so when we were blessed to have Ethan, I knew that we were meant to be a family.
Having a baby during the first year of marriage has been tough. Our attention had been so focused on becoming the best parents we could be, that we've somehow lost sight on becoming the best couple we could be. Don't get me wrong. Despite the mommy/daddy duties, we still manage to have great times, but more often they are short-lived. I guess life has a way of interrupting those serene and special times. Mostly, we deal with these facts and simply look forward to the next beautiful moment, while dealing with demands that come our way. After all, life would be boring if we lived the same monotonous drill all the time, right? If there's anything that I've learned, happily ever after is not a destination. It's a journey, a work in progress. Hitting a few bumps is normal... it's how we overcome those bumps together that defines us as a couple.
I ran into this article: 10 Tips for a Happy Marriage and thought I would share. Although I find it ironic that the author who wrote this has since gotten a divorce, I still found it useful to revisit.
Having a baby during the first year of marriage has been tough. Our attention had been so focused on becoming the best parents we could be, that we've somehow lost sight on becoming the best couple we could be. Don't get me wrong. Despite the mommy/daddy duties, we still manage to have great times, but more often they are short-lived. I guess life has a way of interrupting those serene and special times. Mostly, we deal with these facts and simply look forward to the next beautiful moment, while dealing with demands that come our way. After all, life would be boring if we lived the same monotonous drill all the time, right? If there's anything that I've learned, happily ever after is not a destination. It's a journey, a work in progress. Hitting a few bumps is normal... it's how we overcome those bumps together that defines us as a couple.
I ran into this article: 10 Tips for a Happy Marriage and thought I would share. Although I find it ironic that the author who wrote this has since gotten a divorce, I still found it useful to revisit.
1.Instead of trying to change something, he or she does - change you! Far too often, people get married with the belief they can simply change the person they married, molding him or her into the "perfect" mate. Instead, you need to accept your mate for the person he/she is. If a behavior needs to be changed, then provide support and encouragement. For example, if your husband complains about not having clean clothes, rather than nag at him, show him how to launder his shirts, jeans, or whatever it is he needs.
2.Communication is a key ingredient to any successful marriage. That means talking through situations rather than bottling up or yelling. By showing respect, you can work together as a couple should. With this, the two of you can talk to understand the other person's side better.
3.Keep intimacy as a part of the marriage. Remember, this person is the one you love, the one you want to share your life with, which means letting go of inhibitions. Intimacy is an excellent way to stay close, doing wonders for any marriage.
4.Accept the flaws in your spouse. Since no one is perfect, you want to learn to appreciate the differences between the two of you. If your husband wakes up with bad hair or your wife is grumpy, love him/her, in spite of the flaws.
5.Learn to ignore the small stuff. Every marriage faces challenges, some big and some small. Remind yourself that life is precious and short. Therefore, focus on the larger battles, working through them as a team while letting go of the incidentals that in the big scheme of things does not matter.
6.Make sure you choose your battles wisely. If you are going to pick something apart, make sure it really matters. Unfortunately, unresolved arguments are a big issue in marriages, often leading to divorce. Therefore, unless the issue is something significant, learn to let some things roll off your back.
7.Time for friends is also crucial. Once every other week, you should both take one day or evening to spend time apart and with same-sex friends. This will help you maintain your own identity and appreciate the time you have with your spouse.
8.Never take your spouse for granted. Again, life is too precious. Instead, find things that your partner does well or things that please you and let him/her know. If your husband is outside working on the car, take time to bring him a cold glass of tea or lemonade...just because. If your wife has been home all day with the children, hire a babysitter and surprise her with a dinner out.
9.Date...just because you are now legally married, you should not stop dating. Every Friday or Saturday night, even if you have children, make a date. This could be something as simple as bowling and beer or a romantic dinner and concert. The activity is not important, just that you get time for just the two of you.
10.Be forgiving with your partner. You will be faced with tough times and you have a choice of forgiving him/her when a mistake happens or carrying it in the marriage. Obviously, if you do not forgive, the marriage will suffer. Therefore, if resolution is found, swallow your pride and forgive your mate, letting the new day be another beginning.
2.Communication is a key ingredient to any successful marriage. That means talking through situations rather than bottling up or yelling. By showing respect, you can work together as a couple should. With this, the two of you can talk to understand the other person's side better.
3.Keep intimacy as a part of the marriage. Remember, this person is the one you love, the one you want to share your life with, which means letting go of inhibitions. Intimacy is an excellent way to stay close, doing wonders for any marriage.
4.Accept the flaws in your spouse. Since no one is perfect, you want to learn to appreciate the differences between the two of you. If your husband wakes up with bad hair or your wife is grumpy, love him/her, in spite of the flaws.
5.Learn to ignore the small stuff. Every marriage faces challenges, some big and some small. Remind yourself that life is precious and short. Therefore, focus on the larger battles, working through them as a team while letting go of the incidentals that in the big scheme of things does not matter.
6.Make sure you choose your battles wisely. If you are going to pick something apart, make sure it really matters. Unfortunately, unresolved arguments are a big issue in marriages, often leading to divorce. Therefore, unless the issue is something significant, learn to let some things roll off your back.
7.Time for friends is also crucial. Once every other week, you should both take one day or evening to spend time apart and with same-sex friends. This will help you maintain your own identity and appreciate the time you have with your spouse.
8.Never take your spouse for granted. Again, life is too precious. Instead, find things that your partner does well or things that please you and let him/her know. If your husband is outside working on the car, take time to bring him a cold glass of tea or lemonade...just because. If your wife has been home all day with the children, hire a babysitter and surprise her with a dinner out.
9.Date...just because you are now legally married, you should not stop dating. Every Friday or Saturday night, even if you have children, make a date. This could be something as simple as bowling and beer or a romantic dinner and concert. The activity is not important, just that you get time for just the two of you.
10.Be forgiving with your partner. You will be faced with tough times and you have a choice of forgiving him/her when a mistake happens or carrying it in the marriage. Obviously, if you do not forgive, the marriage will suffer. Therefore, if resolution is found, swallow your pride and forgive your mate, letting the new day be another beginning.
2 comments:
Thank you for visiting my blog!! I stumbled across yours a while ago, but had a toddler pulling on my shirt for bedtime, and never got back! So I was glad to see you! This is a great post. I feel marriage is definately an adventure, and a constant work in prgress. My husband averages over 100 hours per week with his job, and sometimes I feel like a single mommy. But we find ways to make our family work, and ways to spend time together, and with our children!! I hope Ethan is feeling better!!
What a great post! I love how you said that Happily Ever After is a journey and not a destination. Many times I forget that John and I are also a couple and not just parents. I also believe that God gives us what we can handle and even with all the crazy times we experience as parents I feel very blessed to have what I have. Thank you for reminding me how lucky I am!
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