Week 34

The girls at work are starting to call me hateful. I nearly threw a fit in the breakroom when I saw that people left dirty dishes on the sink. This, I admit, is short of being hypocritical because Mike and I sometimes have the same problem at home.. but I don't take that habit to work!

Normally, see, I’m a little pessimistic about humanity at large, I’ll admit. As I’ve put it before, I am in awe of what we are capable of accomplishing and sometimes do accomplish, and in despair over what we normally make of all our great abilities. On one side, great art, cathedrals, magnificently high-minded constitutions, incredible feats of physical ability, and technology that reaches out to the stars. On the other, wars, genocide, poverty, neglect, and the grinding pettiness of everyday life. I can always use whatever help I can get in feeling positive about humanity at large and where the world is going.

Let's think a little less global, shall we, and talk about my growing pessimism about popping the little trooper out.

I am desperately trying (and miserably failing, I think) to be positive about the remaining weeks of this pregnancy. I envy those who are able to boast that they "loved" being pregnant -- whatever the hell that means. I, however, refuse to believe that someone could go through 40 weeks of blissful and uneventful pregnancy... while I spend countless hours of the day biting my lip from pelvic pains.

It's gotten worse the past 2 weeks. Any activity that involves lifting one leg at a time or parting the legs tends to be particularly painful. Lifting my leg to put on clothes in the morning, getting in and out of the car, bending over, sitting down or getting up, walking up and down the stairs, and walking in general tend to be difficult at times. Moving or turning over in bed is especially excruciating, and I find myself often trying to decipher whether the pain means I'm going into labor or not. Getting out of bed in the morning has become a daily challendge, as I find it hard to get my body moving right away -- nevermind the mandatory trips to the bathroom in the middle of the night that often leaves me in tears.

My next OB appointment isn't til next Thursday, although I plan on giving her a call tomorrow to see if she could give me something for the pain. I've told her about it before, my concerns especially were heightened after tripping while crossing the road 2 weeks ago that left me with a bruised hip. She assured me it's "normal" during pregnancy though... but normal or not, I need drugs if that's what it takes to earn a couple of painless hours.

"Just think", Mike says in an email in his most honest attempt to reassure the cynic he married, "it'll only get worse"....