Pruportedly an actual article printed on Housekeeping Monthly, May 13, 1955 -- Author unknown.
Most probably wonder if such advice could really come from a national publication, or if this is just another attempt to portray outdated societal behavior to be worse than they really were so as to make a point as to how much we've improved. I admit that when I first read this list I laughed. It is so hopelessly out of date now that I can hardly imagine any modern woman taking it seriously. I found it hard to believe that any person would seriously abdicate their right to question the actions of their spouse, or that any person would sincerely believe that their thoughts and concerns are of minimal importance next to those of their partner, but I know that situations like this were not at all uncommon in the 1950's.
We don't want to believe that any woman, even half a century ago, was willing to submit herself to a life of servitude in order to be considered successful at her "most important role in life," that of the wife. But no matter how you look at it, we have come a long way in 50 years. And as a new member of The Wives' Club in year 2005, here's my take on this Good Wife's Guide.
1955 Have dinner ready: Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal - on time. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him, and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospects of a good meal are part of the warm welcome needed.
2005 Spend about half an hour arguing as to whose turn it is to cook dinner this time as you have both been working hard all day [apparently, paying for take out the night before counts so be careful when you make your arguments]. When he starts to give you the slip, offer to help with his food preparation task for the night by taking out the pots he would need to use. Remember to compliment the chef and thank him after the meal; this is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are fully aware that you would starve to death if he weren't so concerned about your needs. And if you can't bring yourself to let him clean up the kitchen and cook yet again, it wouldn't kill you to pick up the tab for the Taco Bell the night after.
1955 Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.
2005 Prepare yourself. Don't start looking like a hobo just because you're married now and don't feel the need to impress anybody. He has just been with a lot of girls at work who wear low cut shirts and mini skirts, so you'll have to stay on top of looking best when he comes home to remind him of what he's got. But don't overdo it that you look like a totally different person from who he wakes up next to in the morning.
1955 Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.
2005 Being a little gay will just confuse him and get his hopes up; after all, you don't want to encourage a threesome. Offer to talk about your boring day and compare it to his, you'll find it amusing that you still find something in common.
1955 Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives.
2005 Teach him that dirty clothes go in the hamper, not the floor. Leave the bills scattered on the kitchen counter so he won't miss it when he gets home. If you're in a good mood, you'll go through the clutter and find the remote control and have it ready for him. If you're having a shitty day, hide it under the couch so you won't have to put up with another night of football.
1955 Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.
2005 Over the cooler months of the year, you're allowed to refrain from shaving to give your skin more layers to keep you warm. Use the weather as an excuse to cuddle up and stay in bed all day, that is until one of you gets hungry and it sparks an argument as to whose turn it is to get food. Make lots of hot chocolate for each other, it will provide you with immense personal satisfaction not caving into the Starbucks fad.
1955 Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.
2005 Greet him with a warm smile before reminding him that it's his turn to prepare dinner. If he does a good job, then maybe there'll be some pleasing for dessert.
1955 Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.
2005 Listen to him, but make sure you nod occasionally and make "uhuh" noises to make him think that his topics of conversation are more important than yours. After he's done talking, make him listen to you talk about the new pink shirt you just bought on sale.
1955 Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner, or other places of entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax.
2005 If he comes home late or goes out to dinner or other places of entertainment without you, this entitles you to do the same. If he finds it boring to spend all his time with you, there's probably something wrong.
1955 Don't complain if he's late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he may have gone through that day.
2005 If he's late home for dinner or he stays out all night without giving you a valid reason, you should start digging in his pant pockets for girls' phone numbers.
1955 Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.
2005 Your husband is to be prepared to account for his whereabouts every minute of the day, including an explanation as to why he was away from the phone when you tried to call or why he was unable to chat with you for twenty minutes when you do finally get through to him. He is to be mindful of your natural suspicion about your husband's activities, especially after you've watched re-runs of Cheaters. You should ask quite a few questions about his actions if he suddenly starts insisting that herpes can be transmitted electronically. You should then question your own judgment and integrity for marrying him based on the results of a Cosmo Quiz.
1955 A good wife always knows her place.
2005 A good wife always knows how to put her husband in place.
1 comment:
1955...Bullshit =]
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