Go Blue!

I think every mom and dad would agree that there's not a more exciting feeling in the world than witnessing their firsts..... first smile, first word, first steps. And yesterday wasn't any different.. when we took Ethan to his first major league baseball game!!!!!!!! Definitely a huge step up from the WV Power games (no offense). We scored great last minute seats in the left field pavilion and it was a perfect view to Ethan's first big game. He couldn't get enough of it! Well... he made it to the 7th inning stretch at least... :)

We're still in California (I'll post more photos from our vacation when we get back), but I just couldn't bare to wait to share these! Everyone had such a blast, even though the Dodgers ended up losing by 2 to the Atlanta Braves (Andruw sucks!! lol).

Fam photo with the old school Dodger billboard


Ethan's aww moment seeing the field for the first time with dad...


Why won't they give me the ball Uncle Matt????


He insisted on sitting by himself and watching the game... he couldn't get enough of it!


Watching the game intently with Grandma and Grandpa


Awwwwwwww :)


Looks like the obligatory couple shot... but aren't they uber cute? (This is my sister Joana and her boyfriend Gerardo)


Of course, it ain't a party with my crazy brother Jojo...


Look dad! I got my first Dodger hat!


I can do that Grandma!


Ethan had an encounter with some hard core Dodger fans at the game...


Dancing on the bleachers inbetween pitches... between the 8 adults, Ethan sure kept us busy!


I LOVE LOVE LOVE this shot!!!!


Borrowing Uncle Jojo's 20 dollar crazy hat...


After the game, we got a special tour of the stadium. This is an awesome view from the press box.

Happy Birthday, Mike

Today's my hubby's birthday. 24 years old, but so young at heart. He's not even a quarter century old, if you can believe it. Something feels important about it, i'm not sure what exactly, somehow we're getting a bit older and somehow that means we're turning into real adults, or something like that. Not that the past few years have not put more years on us [than either of us would ever want]. But I always did think he acted much older than he really is... except for the only thing he wanted for his birthday this year is a pair of Heelys. Go figure.

He's become a brother to my siblings, a son to my parents - in fact, my mom trusts him more to drive her Mercedes than her first born child. He's the greatest father anyone could ever ask for -- full of love, almost as if he was born to be a nurturer, but stern when it comes to the "no-no" stuff.

This past year, we've gone through so much with the move, starting a family, going through rough patches -- and to this day we are still trying to figure it all out. It seems as if the closer we move to all of it, something else comes up and i am terrified again.... but my husband, takes it all one day at a time. He's my rock. And despite all my craziness that might send any man into severe panic... he just takes it with stride, and knows exactly what to do, and how to handle it. I'm not sure how he got to be that way, how he has such an even and calm way about him, it's truly amazing. No wonder we're such a great pair, because he's become my protector from my own insanity.

He's my bestfriend, my confidant, my biggest supporter -- the one I could tell anything and trust that he would listen intently without judgement, but would give me his honest opinion if I wanted it. And if I just needed to be tickled, he becomes my personal entertainer -- even if that meant singing a song he didn't know the lyrics to.

He's the yang to my ying. He's my Mike.


Happy Birthday, baby. Here's to another great year. I love you.

Daddy Phase

Intently watching the baseball game for Father's Day.

I knew the day would come, but I had hoped it would be later than sooner. For 18 months, it was always about mommy. Call it Attachment Parenting, or whatever you want, but from day 1, I had always made sure Ethan and I were securely attached. I breastfed for as long as I could and even though that meant sole responsibility in nighttime feedings, that was fine with me because I got to hug him longer. I broke down when the time came to go back to work, and I know the guilt will probably never go away (but we have to do what's best for everyone). Well-meaning family [even my husband], friends, and strangers would say: "you carry him too much", or "you shouldn't let him sleep on your bed", "why do you pick him up as soon as he cries". I do all those things because I want him to learn as early as he can that mommy will always be there for him.

Ethan is the epitome of the attached child: very loving, very engaged and social, very curious, extremely happy, always smiling... many say that they have never seen a happier child… very intelligent, very INDEPENDENT. Alas, Ethan has had everything he needed in order to build a solid foundation: his mommy and her undivided guidance, attention, and patience… that is, until now.

Now, it's all about daddy and all but ignores me. Now, I have to BEG to get kisses and hugs, and I'd be lucky if I even get a nod. He gets excited when Daddy comes home, cries when he leaves, and he can walk around saying "dadda" all day long. He likes how daddy throws the baseball back, or how daddy lets him ride on his back like a "horsey", or how daddy gives much better (and louder) "raspberries". I love the fact that he's so excited about his daddy, but I can't help feeling a little jealous.

It's like all of a sudden they built this special bond that I can't quite figure out. Maybe it's a boys' thing. He clings on to daddy like a baby kangaroo in daddy's pouch. Not so much in mommy's pouch anymore. Im thankful sometimes for that since I think my back's gonna give out if I have to constantly lug a 25-lb toddler around all the time. But still, I can't help but feel a little sad.

This morning, our routine got sidetracked a bit since daddy woke up earlier to get in the shower so he wasn't around when Ethan woke up. Then, Ethan saw a huge suitcase in the hallway from when I started packing his clothes for our trip [which he's learned to realize that every time he sees one of those, it almost always means "someone" is going somewhere]. As soon as daddy came out of the bathroom, Ethan clung on to him like a leach. Mike sensed that Ethan might've thought that daddy's leaving again. And then it dawned on me. Ethan started getting really attached to Mike after he came back from his 2-week trip for work. Before that, he hadn't seen daddy while Mike was in the hospital.

Even though I still hope that this is just a phase and that eventually I will re-claim my throne as #1... I trust that he knows that mommy will always be there for him at the end of the day.

I just had to add this other photo from the baseball game since you'll almost never see Ethan with a hat on... he hates em!

Is it Friday yet?

Between the wedding season, busting my balls to get a promotion at work, late nights procrastinating on horrid calculus quizzes, planning Christmas parties and basketball tournaments (who has time to volunteer anyway????), pitching to host a new parenting blog in a local newspaper, keeping up with the house, not to mention a teething toddler... life is busy, although comparably good, yet it's driving me absolutely bonkers.

Thing is, I know that everything's a decision and amidst all the chaos, this guilt-ridden rookie mom still manages to spend time with Ethan. I am very blessed to have a husband who would do the laundry while I do my Math homework and get Ethan ready in the morning so I could have a few extra minutes of sleep.

Still, I am burnt out and in DIRE need of a vacation.

That's why Friday CANNOT come any faster... where we get to hop on a plane to Sunny California and spend a week surrounded by family and friends and where the gas prices are somehow shadowed by the endless possibilities for recreation. I wish I could say that I am able to leave all my worries here, but truth of the matter is, I surmise that I will end up in front of a computer at some point or another tending to obligations I'm supposed to be escaping from in the first place.

There I go again... stressing out about getting stressed out when I'm supposed to be UNstressing on vacation.

Ah well, ces't la vie.

This is how mommy feels....

Secret to a Happy Marriage according to John Griffin

I have another confession to make... I think I've become a reality tv junkie. And I don't mean Survivor or Bachelor type of reality series... I seem to be more drawn to shows that have somewhat of a storyline to follow (I think the addiction started with that darn Newlyweds stint). Bravo has become the biggest culprit in hogging what little I have left for "free time" -- Top Chef, Work Out and Kathy Griffin - My life on the D List (I cannot wait until they bring Project Runway back!!!!).

Mike doesn't understand what I see in a bunch of people try to reinvent ways to cook chicken liver, or a lesbian fitness guru with acceptance issues, or a comedian trying to survive through the slumps of Hollywood. To me, following these shows is almost like the rush of following the blogs that I read... it's the unadulterated truth of human emotions that draws me in. It's like getting an insight to what other people feel without being intrusive, learning from their successes and failures, and getting that feeling of joy when something works out and sadness when something doesn't.

Anyway, last week's episode of Kathy was particularly memorable... and I'd been pondering about this since watching it over the weekend. The episode, like any other episode, followed Kathy around with her shenanigans, but then they also showed segments of her dad's health deteriorating and then eventually leading his death. Which I have to give kudos to the producers -- they unfolded his death dramatically but in a non-cheesy way, even ending it with a rather touching montage.

The reason I'm writing about this is because there was a part when Kathy was talking about her last conversations with her dad... where she near-tearfully reminisced about asking him for his secret. "What's the secret to your happy marriage?" she asked.

And he answered wholeheartedly, as a 90-year old man who have been married to the same woman all his life would, "The guy just has to think that the gal is the best gal in the world. And the gal has to think that the guy is the best guy in the world."

Then Kathy said what I was thinking at that very moment..... THAT'S IT? That's the secret? "That's it," he said without a crack in his voice. And that stuck with me.

Why do they always make is sound so easy anyway?

Hats, out. Man-bonnets, in?

When get I get a chance to get away from my 9-5 cubicle home, I usually make a mad dash to this little cafe next door called Diana's where I can drown in freshly brewed sweet tea and catch up on futile world news on Fox. The whole Paris-in-jail craze must be dying down or Hollywood must be taking a break from parole violations, because today, they had a segment on the latest in gawd-awful fashion trend they call the man-bonnet.

I just about died laughing.

I'm sorry, but there are just some things not meant to be worn on a man's head -- like a woman's thong, or a diaper, or this...

I hope this guy got paid enough to wear this...

Happy Father's Day!

No Sidewalk, No Problem

The asphalt parking lot will work for now! Since we started getting the warm weather, they've been playing with them at daycare so I figured it was about time I join in on the fun. Heck, for 99c a bucket, it sure keeps Ethan busy for a while. It's interesting how he treats the chalk differently from crayons, though. The crayons just usually ends up in his mouth. But with the chalk, I noticed he was very meticulous about taking them out of the bucket one at a time and then putting them back when he was done.

Speaking of chalk, I'll be checking out Julian Beaver in downtown Charleston sometime next week as part of Festivall. Beever is renowned for his drawings using the art technique called trompe l’oeil, or “trick of the eye,” which uses realistic images to create an optical illusion depicting an object or scene as actually existing. The trick is that the illusion only works if viewed from a certain angle. Rumor has it that he'll start drawing on Monday, at a site only a few blocks from my work. So I hope to post some next week!

Multi-Tasking

"One-at-a-time" is scarcely in my vocabulary. There's never enough hours during the day anyway, so I'm always trying to do two (even three) things at the same time. Laundry while cooking dinner. Breakfast while driving to work. Catching up on some reading while on the toilet. Fighting with a telemarketer while scraping ravioli off of Ethan's ears. Blogging while (supposedly) doing Calculus homework.

And looks like Ethan's taking after mommy in that department. Can't say I've ever vacuumed on skates before though (while eating twizzlers, at that)....

PS. I felt the urge to edit after a very comment about giving my son a vacuum cleaner for a toy. Ethan's got everything from every sport toy imaginable, trucks, cars, cowboys and space cadets, a 4-wheeler... the vacuum is just one among many. I very much doubt that people now still think that boys are only supposed to play war and sports while girls are to play with dolls and pretend house. Vacuuming would be part of playing house, as would playing with kitchen with the pretend pots and pans and silverware. Not that I'm planning on getting Ethan an easy-bake oven anytime soon, but I see nothing wrong with him learning household chores at a tender age of 17 months! Haha. Of course, he just thinks it's the coolest thing in the world because mommy has one like it... one that lights up and makes noise when you push the button.

Two by Two Meme

I've been tagged with this meme. Thanks Kim! :)

Two Names You Go By:
1. Anne
2. Ms Anna

Two Things You are Wearing Right Now:
1. Blue checkered skirt
2. Denim Jacket - it's funny that it's against our dress code policy to wear jeans, yet it's ok to wear denim jackets, skirts or even dresses

Two Things You Want In A Relationship:
1. Romance
2. Trust

Two Of Your Favorite Things To Do:
1. Travel -- especially places I've never been to before
2. Taking photographs of anything and everything!

Two Things You Want Very Badly At The Moment:
1. My hubby to come home.. haven't seen him in 2 weeks :(
2. Paint my walls.. but landlord won't let us

Two Pets You Have Or Had:
1. Pong the little turtle - my mom bought for me in high school... he was so small he could fit in my palm. He died 2 weeks later because I think he was taken too early from him momma
2. Bob the fish - Bob is the most strong-willed beta fish you'll ever meet. We bought him in 2005, made our roadtrip from CA to WV, and still alive and kicking! (well, swimming)

Two People Who Will Fill This Out First:
1. Andrea
2. Jami

Two Things You Did Last Night:
1. Started reading a book that was recommended to me - The Five Love Languages
2. Tried to wait for the season premiere of Top Chef (i love that show!), but didn't quite make it to 10 oclock!

Two Chores That You Don't Like Doing:
1. Folding laundry and putting them away
2. Cleaning the bathroom

Two Things You Ate Today:
1. All I've had this morning is a large cup of McDonalds sweet tea
2. Haven't eaten it yet - but I'm having Lean Cuisine for lunch!

Two People You Talked To Last:
1. Mike
2. Mom

Two Things You're Doing Tomorrow:
1. Clean the house
2. Finish shopping for Father's day gift

Two Favorite Holidays:
1. 4th of July
2. Christmas

Two Favorite Beverages:
1. SWEET TEA!!!!!!!
2. Baileys on the rocks -- although I haven't had one in a while :/

Bad Mommy

Let's face it, no one's perfect... not even my mom and I love her to death. We all have faults, yes, but how ghastly are your failings?

I found a website called True Mom Confessions where mothers are encouraged to anonymously confess their worst inner thoughts and deeds. Visitors can click a "me too" button if they share the sentiment, a palpable socio-emotional tactic (if you ask me) to let people feel they're not alone -- therefore justifying whatever it is that they feel bad about. For example, someone submitted "I wish I had a child that ran on batteries so I could turn him off", and 20 people agreed. Another poster said "I am 30 and still don't know, other than my children, what I want in this life", and an unsurprising 25 hit the "me too" button -- I actually expected more. At 7:02 this morning, someone posted that today is the day she's coming out to her family and friends about being a lesbian. "I'm finally being true to me and dammit, it feels good." she added. 2 agreed.

My confession's not as momentous, but here it is: I am indulgent. If it were up to me, Ethan can stay up as late as he wants to. Mike has to often tear him off my arms for bedtime, and even then, I still try to buy an extra 10-15 minutes of cuddly time. Since Mike hasn't been home, Ethan's been staying up past 8:30 to watch Law and Order reruns with me and sleeping in our bed. I let him eat candy... not a lot, but I'm the only mom I know who keeps M&M's in the emergency snack bag instead of something healthy like carrot sticks. Actually, I pretty much let him eat anything. Also, I may (or may not) be letting him watch too much TV. In my defense, sometimes he gets in one of these moods where the only thing that would calm him down is a run through (or two) of the "Wiggly Groove".


I just think there's far better things to worry about than scolding a toddler for re-arranging the jars in the refrigerator.

Then again, that's just me.

One Cranky Baby

It might not look like it here, but Ethan's been one cranky little boy the past couple of days. His nose has been running and has had a fever the past 2 days so I was afraid he was getting another ear infection. Turns out he's got teeth cutting through -- 4 of them at that!! Which makes for one cranky baby and a very exhausted, sleepless mommy.

He did finally decide he likes popsicles this afternoon (wouldn't even give them the time of day before) which were the only comfort I could give him besides sitting through 3 recorded episodes of the Wiggles.

And of course, a rootbeer popsicle later, Ethan was ready for a quick swim in the tub. One of these days, I'm gonna try to quit being the deadbeat mom and finally put up his blow up pool in the backyard.

Is that an awesome butt shot or what?

DNA Portrait

Last year for Father's day, I searched high and low for an infant Cleveland Cavaliers jersey to put on Ethan (which at the time, the only size I could find was 12 months so he looked like he was drowning in it at 5 months -- but still looked UBER cute), propped him on a boppy pillow and framed the photo for him to show off at work. Albeit a FABULOUS idea --- it probably would've made more sense this year since the Cavs made it to the playoffs. Nonetheless, 1 week away and I'm still dry of ideas. I was going to get tickets to a Linkin Park concert, but as my luck would have it, turns out he has training that weekend. He's already got the ipod and the fancy phone and the manly tools... and I'm normally a practical gift-giver anyway, but I would really like to refrain from getting him socks for Father's day, if I could.

And then I ran into this really unique, almost freaky, idea that I had to share.

The company, DNA 11, sends you a "kit" which includes a swab that you take and swipe in your baby's mouth and preserve. Then you send it back to their lab (which by the way is in Canada) and in an almost eerie CSI-process, the DNA is extracted from the sample and put into some kind of gel where they then take a digital photo of it. The file's enhanced microscopic proportions and for only $390, you can have an 18x24 canvas of your child's DNA hanging on your wall - TADA! Talk about personalized art work....

I know this might seem silly to point out, but this is a sample on their site, and I'm wondering if it really is some real kid's DNA.

If I had $390 just laying around, I just might jump on this wagon. But I don't, so it looks like it's gonna be a Homer Simpson tie this year... :)

Seriously.... any ideas.... I'm all ears!

Fore!

I always joke that Mike is the kind of dad that would have Ethan playing on every sport known to mankind as soon as he's able. And that's probably not far from the truth. I think my child's even been brainwashed because lately I've been catching him changing the tv channel from my HGTV to ESPN!!!!! He loves shooting hoops in the patio, kicking his soccer ball around the house, throwing the baseball to play catch....

But his newest obsession is swinging his golf clubs around like there's no tomorrow... and I've noticed that he's very partial to the driver. Every now and then he'd pay attention to the putter... which only sends mommy on fishing expeditions for all sorts of balls from under the couch. But I guess that's better than dealing with a broken mirror or a window.

Now I'm not an avid golf fan (I've tried playing 9 holes once and I totally sucked), but I would venture to say that that's a pretty darn good swing for a 16-month old! You should see his follow-through! Tiger Woods did supposedly start at a tender age of 2... so Ethan's probably right on track. :)

Flashback to July of last year... Ethan was only 5 months old and already been to a golf course!

Fun with Ravioli

Ethan's been feeding himself since he was 4 months old. He met his Mr. Independent alter ego a bit early, I guess. When he got messy then, we figured he was just testing the limits of his motor skills and sometimes the hand that picks up the food from the tray doesn't always find the mouth.

Now, Ethan's re-inventing ways to make dinner time more fun --- like using ravioli sauce as a pre-conditioning treatment. Funny thing is, instead of freaking out, my first instinct is dash out to geth the camera!

Hmmmm.... this actually feels kinda nice....


Uh oh! I'm busted....


I wasn't doing anything mom... I was just finishing my dinner...


Hehehe... now I get to play in the tub!!!!

Trash to Treasure?

Hours under the sun: 6
Official total sale for the day: $128
Ethan's expression when he saw strangers walking away with his things: Priceless


I personally like to go "yardsaling". You can't beat paying .50 cents a pop for baby clothes that have barely been worn, if at all. My best deal to-date is an authentic Coach purse and wristlet that I was able to talk the seller to dropping from $200 to mere pocket change. Who expects anyone to yardsale around with $200 anyway?

But I digress... I didn't realize how much work it would be to be on the receiving end. Let's just say I started "spring cleaning" before winter even ended [I finally got tired of the skinny clothes taunting me from the closet], so we ended up with boxes of junk in our hallway for months. Part of the problem was finding an open weekend for both Mike and I so we could finally try to sell our clutter. One person's trash is someone else's treasure, right? I thought I could make a killing on my dust-accumulatingting size 5 jean collection. So at the last minute, we decided we would have it on Saturday -- ironically what turned out to be one of the hottest days of the week. And by last minute, I mean we (majority me naturally) were up til past midnight on Friday trying to price things and then back up at the crack of dawn the next morning trying to organize them in boxes.

I have to admit, I felt emancipated finally letting go A LOT of my old clothes, but I felt almost disappointed that they went through the whole day ignored at the yard sale. As expected, Ethan's baby stuff were the biggest sellers -- toys, clothes, baby monitors, blankets, diaper bags, crib sheets...... My haggling skills definitely got a great workout during my interactions with some particularly bargain-minded moms and grandmothers. Once, a dad stopped by to look at some baby clothes, only to be interupted by a 3 year old in the backseat yelling "Daddy!!!!! I want out! I want out!". Poor guy was so flustered, I think he would have paid boocoo $ just to get out of there, but I wasn't one to take advantage. I was happy though to see some very pregnant girl leave with my jester hat that I got from Carnivale in Venice for $2. Mike's cowboy hat, he let go for a buck. Purses I had ridiculously been harboring since [probably] high school, $1 a pop.

Ethan, the Entertainer, waved, blew kisses and even helped seal a deal a couple of times. I just drop a phrase like "He LOVES that toy... we just have too much stuff in the house", and the transfer of dollars often followed. Mike? Let's just say he was delegated mostly the carrying duties. And what didn't sell by the time I threw in the white flag, went into huge trash bags that we IMMEDIATELY drove to Goodwill. I was adamant about not bringing anything back in the house (at least before judiciously making an exception for some baby clothes that I think could rack up money on ebay --- if I ever find the time).

Would we ever have another one? Probably not in this lifetime. But should the time come and I am pursuaded to have another yard sale, here are my lessons learned.

1. Put sunscreen on.
2. Quit being a pack-rat, or at least condense the tendencies.
3. Wait til we have an actual GARAGE. Hauling things back and forth to the parking lot was a pain in the ass.

Overworked. Underpaid.

My mood portrayed by Dilbert.

My First Feature!

One of the weddings I shot last year has made it as a featured West Virginia wedding on The Knot. As a planning bride 2 years ago (gosh, that seems like forever ago), I seriously don't know how I could've survived without The Knot. In fact, I frequented the local boards so much, that I've actually became great friends with the girls who planned their weddings around the same time as me --- and in time, we've all graduated into The Nest and still keep very much in touch!

Katie and Brian were a blast.... and I'm excited that they were picked to be featured!

Joyriding

Ethan's got a new favorite toy....... his brand spankin' new 4-wheeler power wheel. It took him 1 and a half seconds to figure out where his feet where supposed to go and that he needed to push the red button on the handle for it to move. Although he hasn't really figured out to hold down on the button, so he's still jerking a little bit -- kinda reminds me of the first time I tried to learn how to drive manually. The stirring..... now that's a different story. Most of the time, he's too busy waving to his imaginary fans or looking back to see how much he's smoked his imaginary racing buds.

Oh and notice the tribute to the Cleveland Cavaliers -- Mike's basketball team (who are close to beating the Pistons in the Eastern Conference!).

Back to School Again!

With everything else that is going on in my life right now, I have NO IDEA what possessed me to decide that this would be an "okay" time to jump back into the unavoidable, dreadful Calculus class that I need to finish my undergrad... (well, that and two other classes which I hope to finish by Spring). I thought about taking a class at a local state university, but circumstances right now don't allow much room for a traditional face-to-face class... so my next best resort was to take it online. I mean, I've taken online classes before.... but Calculus???? I think I've officially gone over the edge. Aside from the fact that I loathe the subject (which makes my interest in the class close to zero), the last time I even took any kind of Math was probably 3 years ago if not longer, so you can understand that I'm not exactly in the groove for limits and derivatives.

I just keep trying to tell myself...


You have to. You have to. YOU have to.


And if I just hang in there and by the grace of God actually pass the class at the end of August, then I'll only be two classes shy from joining the ranks of college grads who probably spend the best years of their lives striving for a degree that they want absolutely nothing to do with after the fact!

Day at the Ballpark

It's been TWO days since I've seen my baby and I miss him A LOT. Hospital rules don't allow kid visitors so Ethan's spending a couple of days with grandma and grandpa. I know Mike misses him too because this morning, he started to watch an episode of Little Einsteins!

Anyway, I finally downloaded the photos from Mother's Day and it made me miss him even more. It was his second time at the ballpark, and that time he actually lasted the whole game!

It's awesome seeing him watch the players at awe. He likes to raise his hands wanting the players to throw him the ball, and it's even funner watching him try to keep up with the ball when they start throwing it around.

Maybe we have a future ball player in our hands! :)

As for Mike, we're still at the Monitoring Unit and waiting for the doctor to tell us if they found anything on his EEG. I gather we'll be here for at least a couple more days.......

The War Isn't Over

Just as I was starting to sink in my all-time LOW in the look-good department, something happened today that gave me a small hint of hope...... I was on my break and on the way to get some donuts (just kidding - I was actually getting my afternoon dose of sweet tea) when some random guy driving past whistled AT me and yelled "Damn, girl!!". Normally, I would ignore it and keep walking. But this time, I couldn't help but immediately let out a small smirk. I never thought something so barbarically stupid would make me feel good, but you bet it did!

Granted...... I've done all the things that screams defeat in the war against the flab: packed up all the size 5 jeans and skimpy size small tops to make room for forgiving tunic-length shirts that (seem to) skim over my thicker middle and fuller hips, shopped for the South Beach diet and threw in the white flag after ONE day of starvation, chucked my running shoes in the backside of the closet so I don't feel too guilty everytime I see it.... *sigh*

I'm not naive. Ethan is 15 months old and gone are the days (FAR gone) when I can get away with "I just had a baby". Believe me, I even tried to get an extension by reasoning that it took me 9 months to put it on and so I should get 9 months to take it off plus a few more to recuperate. Truth is, even if I only ate a cracker a day for the next 6 months and ran the length of the Wall of China every night, I know that my body will NEVER be back to the way it was. Not that I had a smokin' Victoria Secret model body to begin with anyway.......... but still. It would be nice to get dressed and NOT have to worry about someone mistaking me for being pregnant.

Hold your horses.......... I'm NOT pregnant.

I just feel like I am.... because of this kangaroo pouch attached to my stretch-mark-designed belly.


And while my self-esteem issues will probably boil for a while until I get my lazy butt in gear (duly noted: these pouches don't dissolve on their own), I have enjoyed that split second of someone other than my husband acknowledging that there's still hope for this hot mama. :)

15-month Check-up

Weight: Whopping 24.4 lbs
Length: Staggering 31 inches

I wish I could brag about a perfectly healthy baby, but probably for the 6th time since getting his tubes put in, Ethan has (yet again) another annoying ear infection, so (yet again) on another set of antibiotics. Other than that, the ped reassured us he's "right on target" with all of his milestones. We've been in that office so many times (this year alone) that I've noticed Ethan gets pretty gitty when we go. If he wasn't juping up and down on the exam table, he was trying to get into the cabinet under the sink to steal some grape-flavored tongue depressors!

This is Ethan messing around laying down before the nurses came in to hold him down for his shots. In fact, he didn't even flinch when they stuck him on the leg! He got one on his arm and that bothered him for all 2 seconds then got over it. What a trooper!

And I just had to add this one of him putting daddy's hat on leaving the doctor's office... he couldn't look any more innocent if he tried!

Self-preservation

Have you ever felt like your life's being thrown into a trajectory of a whirlwind and you just don't know where it starts and where it ends? I do. I'm not even slightly excited that it's a Friday -- and that worries me. Frankly, I'm not sure what happened the rest of the week. I vaguely remember being in Toledo shooting engagement photos last weekend and now I'm here.. relentlessly trying to salvage what's left of my sanity. Writing has always been an outlet for me, and although it's going to be hard to share some of it, I'm hoping it'll give me back some sense of normalcy.

Mike's seizures seem to be getting progressively worse. At first, they were strictly sensory -- funny taste in the mouth, weird smell. He used to get headaches with it which led us to think it might be migraines, but that was eventually ruled out. The sensory episodes grew more frequent, though completely random. Then he started complaining about getting dizzy, or losing orientation. Still, we couldn't figure out whether they were related to anything or just arbitrary symptoms. There didn't seem to be a contributing factor or a specific trigger for any of it. Then about a month ago, he actually lost consciousness (couldn''t tell how long) while he was driving to work one day. We were very blessed that he didn't get hurt, or anyone else. But when he finally got to work and called me to tell me what happened, I could feel the fear in his voice. He suspected that it was a seizure so I suggested that he call his neurologist right away and that's when we found out (after months and months of seeing the doctor and NOT getting a diagnosis) that he actually has partial seizure disorder, otherwise known as epilepsy, and that he is recommend not to drive at least until we get the seizures under control.

Epilepsy? I couldn't think of a word more intimidating. My initial reaction was less than stellar, and I don't even remember if I sounded anything close to compassionate. I mean I knew Mike's condition wasn't like of the social stigma that people think when they hear the word -- person laying on the floor, entire body convulsing, foaming up on the mouth -- but I felt afraid of the unknown. I remember getting angry at the neurologist for taking this long to tell us what was really going on. On those doctor visits that I accompanied Mike, he'd vaguely mention the word "seizure", almost as if he was afraid to say it. I grew even angrier realizing that he's had Mike on the same medication for almost a year and done nothing but increase the dosage everytime Mike complains about the symptoms getting worse or more erratic. Obviously, the drug's not working... it would only make sense to try a different approach, right? But what do I know? Watching the weekly episode of House certainly doesn't make me an instant diagnostician -- but what I am is a concerned wife and friend. We have found another neurologist who has more experience with seizures but the appointment's not for another couple of weeks. He's also made an appointment with an epilepsy center (the only one in our state) where they might keep him for a couple of days for testing and observation but that's not til the end of the month. The appointments couldn't come any sooner -- it's like holding our breath..... until we find some real answers.

I know that it's expected for me to feel this way but I feel helpless sometimes, I feel that there must be much more that I could do. I worry that he would fall in the likes of those who let the epilepsy define who they are and only see the limitations, as oppose to focusing on the opportunities. Although I know that that's not the person I married, I feel responsible for constantly reminding him that. Since the diagnosis, there has been this unstated cloud of tension in the house. Even though he doesn't come out and say it, I know he hates that he has become dependent, that he is not able to just take off and go where he wants. I know he's frustrated that some people have made him feel as if his life is now pretty much "over" -- which couldn't be farther from the truth. Can I blame him? NO! A thousand times no, I can only stand by and be there for him as long as I am physically and mentally and emotionally able.

I just hope he knows that....

Tahsin and Justin

I took Tahsin and Justin's engagement photos this past Saturday in Toledo. We spent some time at the Museum of Art and then finished the day at the Botanical Gardens, just right before it started to rain. They're such a sweet couple -- both very conservative (they're the first couple I've shot who didn't want to kiss on camera), but you can tell they have a lot of fun together. I'm also shooting their wedding at the end of the month.. and I can't wait especially since they're having a traditional Indian wedding!