No Ethan for 2 Weeks!!! =(

Mike and I both woke up this morning at the usual 5:45 and were a little relieved we could hit snooze on both alarms. This is day 1 of not having Ethan. As promised, he gets to spend 2 weeks in Ohio with Grandma, Poppi, and "old" Grandma.

I don't get to sleep in very much, so I was happy to get the extra 15 minutes. When we finally got out of bed to get ready for work (45 minutes later), we found ourselves (even with the extra sleep) with seemingly a little too much time of just......... silence.

No Dora the Explorer in the background to "encourage" Ethan to get out of bed. Mike usually dresses Ethan, only for me to look at him and decide on the spot that I didn't like his outfit so I change him again. Mike didn't have to cook microwavable pancakes. I had to fight traffic without the carpool lane because the carseat behind me was empty.

It was really weird.

Last night, we had our first Skype date... something I had made mandatory on this trip to have every night before he goes to bed. He was so blown away by all the new toys Grandma got him, that he didn't even seem like he missed us one bit!

Thank You to All Those Who Serve

Happy Mother's Day!

Questions

Nearing two weeks since my last post. No, my life hasn't reached a standstill. Far from it. I've just been having a writer's block. Or is it some kind of a self-reevaluation. The other day, I had 4 folders full of photos I could've easily picked from to blog about, and I just....... didn't....... for some reason. I've been photographing like a maniac, thinking about everything I wanted to say. Then the days would pass, and it was all old news. It stacked up and became overwhelming. I want to write, but I can't.

Then I realized this isn't writer's block. I'm having a mini-crisis. If you took away my family, the T-ball games, Mike's races and all our random family excursions, what is there to write about?

Thinking back, I started this blog almost therapeutically to write about my grievances post-wedding and I just let it evolve into whatever it wanted to evolve to.... mostly my journey with being a wife and a mother. And every once in a while, there's a random post or two about something else.

There is something else.......... right? I have other things to write about..... don't I?

As I try to keep my heart rate back to normal and blame my tearful eyes to allergies, I struggle to avert this stupid identity crisis by looking at what I do have.

I am so blessed. I have an extraordinary husband and smart, a healthy, intelligent boy, loving family and friends, and (minus the occasional late hours and conventional stress) a job that I enjoy doing and that I'm pretty good at. I'm proud to be a Tball mom and a supportive wife to a future PhD.

I just wish sometimes I could be proud of something I did... for me.

Baby Fever

Scrapbook page of Ethan's Birth [Click to see larger version]

Ethan totally loves babies. He pretends all of his stuffed animals are babies -- feeds them, cuddles them when they're hurt, tucks them in bed. Sometimes, it actually takes up most of his full-size bed. He carries them like how you're supposed to carry a baby, and gets mad when I don't talk to them like he does. It's really sweet.

But if you ask him if he wants a little brother or little sister, his answers vary according to whether he's just been denied something -- a toy, tv time or just plain ol' attention. On a good day, he'd say, "I want a baby brother"... and I try to counter it with "Don't you mean a baby sister?"... in which case, Mike jumps in and reaffirms that they collectively want a boy, and not a girl and that I'm outnumbered (all the more reason for me to want a girl).

I have to admit, that I have been struck with the so-called baby fever. Yesterday, I found myself playing peek-a-boo with a stranger's baby at a Target checkout line and didn't have a care in the world how silly I must've looked. A friend brought over her 1 year old at our house warming last weekend, and I was so excited to teach him how to putt with one of Ethan's plastic golf clubs. We're throwing a baby shower for a coworker next week and I had eagerly volunteered to design her baby shower invites and even decorate the lunch room for the shower. And yes, I have already been thinking about baby names: Gavin Chaise or Addison Faith.

*Sigh*

With Ethan's 4th birthday lurking around the corner, and the pressure from all sides it seems to have #2, Mike and I have been toying with the idea. Not fully decided, but toying.

We have always agreed we wanted two.... but timing had been a challenge. Mike wanted to finish school. Done. We wanted to move back to California. Done. We both wanted to have steady jobs. Done. We wanted to buy a house and settle in. Done. As much as you try to plan to make sure you're as prepared as you can be, you're left wondering if that perfect timing will ever come.....

For now, I'll get my baby fix from going through Ethan's baby photos and playing major catch up with 3 years worth of scrapbooking. Better do it now before the next one comes, right? :)

Back from Hiatus

Wow. 4 months is a long time not to blog....... it's a new record for me! I have an excuse! I promise!

Right around the time I started lagging on this blog was about the same time I got hooked on Facebook status updates. It was just so much easier....... one liner.... blasted to everyone..... comments enabled....... quick and dirty.

>> from one social networking addiction to another <<

I now realize how much I miss being able to look back and revisit through my blog entries. Now I have a 4 month gap, which I could tell you, were everything but uneventful. So it's not like I didn't have anything to talk about, I just.... well... needed a break.

And now.... I'm back! No more promises to upkeep a certain number of posts per week...... I get enough stress from work :)

The rest of this post will just be snippets/brief updates of what has been going on in our crazy lives these past few months I disappeared:

Mama Mary came to visit us in California for two weeks.... which was a GODSEND... since she helped us tremendously with getting the house ready for our overdue house warming. Ethan stayed home from school the whole time to spend some quality time with grandma.

Ethan is back in pre-school. Have I mentioned how I ♥ Montessori? He knows how to write his numbers up to 15. He can name the 7 continents, 12 months of the year, 7 days of the week, parts of a plant, parts of a tree, cycle of an insect, 4 seasons and how to county in Spanish up to 10. He's also become quite a tattle tale... he'd tell us about getting into "fights" in school and getting trouble for it, or he'd tell us when one of the kids are being mean to him.

Mike's doing well with his new job at the courts -- been there for about 2 months. I've been in mine for a year last month. Aside from my sporadic late hours, we work about the same hours so we at least have the evenings.. although we have been trying (when there's a default babysitter) to get away once in a while. We went to San Diego a month ago to the Coronado Speed Festival, and 2 weeks ago, we spent a nice overnight date in Palm Springs.

The house is coming along great... we finally had our housewarming last weekend and had friends and family over. I think I'm far from being "done"... but we've come a long way, thanks to everyone's help. I'm actually excited to decorate the house for the holidays!

Alright..... I gotta jet!

Winding Down and Looking Forward

After a rough start last week, I'm finally getting back to my regular sleep schedule and while I can't say I'm 100% rested, I did get to relax a little the last few days and got to spend a lot of time with my family.

Getting anxious from hopes of closing escrow this week, I've been overly obsessed with trying to (prematurely) decorate for our soon-to-be new home -- online, in the stores, in my dreams, while watching TV.... I just can't get enough of it!

I used to make fun of my mom for watching all those decorating shows on HGTV, and now I have turned into one of them!!! But after scouting a few furniture stores this weekend and coming up empty, I refuse to be discouraged.

The house is move-in ready... although there are a few things we'd like to get done before finally hauling our stuff in. We plan to tile the kitchen floor, stain the kitchen cabinets and pain the walls for starters. Once upon a time, I dreamt of having plantation shutters installed but I think that might have to wait a little bit.

I'm ok with that....



Anywho, since I'm a little behind on posting photos, I'm going to dig for some taken this weekend -- then I'm off to stalking the furniture section on Craigslist. :)

WFMW: Pet Shopping in the 21st Century

Sometime last week, somehow between contemplating about Ethan starting to get lonely and Mike and I not being quite ready for the responsibility of having baby #2, I may or may not have inadvertently promised Ethan we would get him his own “Bolt”.

It fits. We’re moving into our new home and Ethan loves to play with dogs. It’s never too early for him to start learning some responsibility, like feeding or walking the dog. And we want to settle in first before trying again. A pet is a natural addition to a family without the pregnancy, right?

Right.

So now we’ve all convinced ourselves we’re going to get a dog.

But we have to wait until we settle in the house which probably won’t be until July – after closing, we still have some stuff to do in the kitchen before we want to move in. So to satisfy our excitement for now, instead of rushing to the shelters, we started perusing through Pet Finder – which is an awesome site in this Facebook/Twitter era for those looking to adopt a pet.

You can search by breed, age, size, gender, and of course, location. Majority of them have photos, and most even have their histories posted in their profile!

This little guy is definitely one of our runner ups…

House Hunting Sucks

So we’re looking at 2 other houses tonight, nothing we’re terribly excited about, but they fit our general criteria and at this point, we’re keeping our options open.

There was one property that really tickled my fancy. And, of course, as these things go, I fell in love with it. I even sent Mike to scope it out before telling our realtor how much I would REALLY like to consider it. I mean, it’s perfect. It has everything we want, good-size backyard for the little one, in a great neighborhood, ready for move in, comparable commute, it’s beautiful, magazine-esque and did I mention perfect?

So what, you are asking yourselves, is the drawback? Isn’t it perfectly obvious? The price. Their asking price is just above our upper upper limit (and yes that’s two uppers which means it’s high. Excuse the pun). It’s perfectness has, to no surprise, attracted more than a few offers and it’s a jungle out there. And as much as we (meaning I) love it, we have to be really careful not to get in over our heads. So sadly, we’re moving on…

See, that’s another reason why house hunting sucks. All the feeling that get wrapped up in finding a house. The hope, expectation, excitement, despair, desire, anticipation and a million other wonderful and uncomfortable feelings following you even to sleep.

You don’t understand. I have been planning for this for months and months. I’ve bought furniture for spaces I don’t even know if they would fit. I’ve picked out color schemes. I’ve decorated the living room, picked out paint colors, planned for a to-be nursery…

Sigh…

Chugging along....

Vain Revelations, Monkeys, and Celebrities with No Make up

This got forwarded to me by a friend this morning, and it comes at an utmost perfect timing after having a disastrous 2 weeks of terrible hair and uneven mascara. I was ready to break the mirror this morning.

Try putting eye liner on with a cast, forget about it. A monkey has a better chance of doing it.

I wonder where I could get one….

And nevermind my hair. My hair hasn’t seen a good day since the day I broke my thumb. I’m lucky to have a husband who would help me wash it, but he’s not as willing to blow dry and style. Mike straightening my hair is like me trying to re-build an engine.

Doable, but not likely to happen.

So imagine the smirk on my face when I saw other ugly mugs besides my own. It’s nice to know I’m not alone with the “off days”.

Katherine Heigl

Beyonce

Eva Longoria

Penelope Cruz

Cameron Diaz

Hilary Duff

Britney Spears

Pamela Anderson

Anna Kournikova

Goldie Hawn

Debra Messing

Army Buddies

8 years.

I signed 8 years of my life to the Army.

For 8 years, I trained, I traveled, I sacrificed, I obeyed and disobeyed orders, I led. I met the biggest assholes in the history of mankind, the noblest of leaders, and best of friends (one I ended up marrying!).

It's amazing. It's one of the things I miss the most. Forming bonds with people who you probably otherwise wouldn't consider to say hello to - let alone trust your life with.

Last night, Mike and I met up with an old friend, Pete. We all survived (and enjoyed) Bosnia together - years and years ago. I don't know why, but we all somehow, someway, stay in touch even after we got back from the deployment. We're all in different places in our lives now - and I suspect Pete is going to be a lifer (probably retire in the Army) - we have lived in the opposite sides of the country - but sitting around happy hour last night just re-affirmed that these are the kinds of friendships that sustain any time or distance.

A Quote from my Starbucks Cup

I had one of my sporadic Starbucks run this morning – which was a moment of weakness since I have been really good with cutting back on my sweet tea lately. I haven’t had it for nearly 2 weeks now, a record worth mentioning. But TWICE, I’ve gotten these almost irritating cravings – the first time, I went to Starbucks because I had a coupon for a free Tazo tea, and then this morning, when I was craving some hot chocolate.

I digress.

I was enjoying my hot chocolate when I saw the first two lines of this quote peek through the sleeve...

"I used to feel so alone in the city. All those gazillions of people and then me, on the outside. Because how do you meet a new person? I was very stumped by this for many years. And then I realized, you just have to say, "Hi." They may ignore you. Or you may marry them. And that possibility is worth that one word."

-Augusten Burroughs
Author of Running with Scissors



How many times a day do you pass by a complete stranger, and instead of being a human being and acknowledging the other person by saying “hi” or even just giving them a simple nod? My guess is you regularly turn away and afford eye contact, if at all possible.

These days, I guess, sometimes you don’t even know you’re doing it since you’re too busy yacking on the phone, typing a text message or otherwise consumed by daydreams of other things you wish you could be doing.

But do be careful when you make that leap of faith and say hi to a complete stranger. A smile and comfortable eye contact is (most of the time) all you need. Don’t look overly enthusiastic that may embarrass the other party – meaning, no matter how attractive they are, don’t look like you’re undressing them with your eyes. If you catch their eye, you could say “hi” or an appropriate greeting like “good morning”. Most people seem to prefer just a smile. Waving is not recommended unless they’re sitting on a porch or at a distance away (and they wave first) or else you’ll look like a dork.

Happy Birthday Sissy!

My sister is 5 years my junior. Growing up, we didn’t really have a lot in common (although that didn’t stop my mom from dressing us alike until I was about 12 – maybe she always wished she had twins?) In fact, I hated her bald-headed guts when she was born for taking all the attention that were all mine for 5 good years. All of a sudden, it wasn’t a one-man show anymore. Not to mention I was suddenly responsible for watching her, and feeding her, and making sure she knew how to play with MY toys.

I remember fighting a lot with her… once, my mom actually gave each of us a knife and told us if we hated each other so much, we should kill each other. A bit much, huh? Probably, but I’m pretty sure we made up almost immediately after that. Sure, I didn’t like her… but I wasn’t about to stab her to death.

But through the years, she grew on me.

We’ve been through a lot together. We spent a few years growing up in the Philippines without our parents… which is tough for a 3 and an 8 year old to go through. But we had each other, and back then, that was all that mattered. I went to all her school plays. I packed her lunch. I fixed her hair. I helped her with her homework. I put band aids on her cuts after I coerced her to do things I wouldn’t do.

Those were yesteryears…..

Now, I still don’t know what life would be like without my Sissy!

I feel like she’s stopped needing me to watch over her years ago, though I still try. She may not like all my advice, but I know she takes them by stride, and she knows I’m always here to listen (even though sometimes she knows it may warrant me making fun of her). In a few months, she’ll be graduating college, thinking about going to law school, enjoying life as she knows it. She’s grown to this beautiful, funny, and smart woman – but she’ll always be my little sister.

Happy birthday Sissy. I LOVE YOU!

Hugs and kisses,
Ate

Blast from the Past

Talk about a blast from the past...

An old friend of mine from grade school just posted this on Facebook. It's my 5th grade class!

Can you tell which one I am?

(And yes, those are nuns, and we wore uniforms past the knees)

Under the weather

You know that bug that’s going around… ya, I got it. Stupid bug.

My ear feels like someone’s repeatedly stabbing it with a screwdriver, my head’s about the explode, I’m sneezing every 10 seconds and my nose is dripping like a faucet – I actually feel really bad for the trash guy having to empty my infested snot-filled tissue piles at the end of the day, my throat hurts every time I take a sip of my Chai tea latte, and I am cranky as hell because of all the above.

I do not want to be at work. I want to crawl up in bed and sleep the misery away.

But I guess I can’t complain too much. Thank God I still have work to go to.

A few of my colleagues finally spoke up in the last staff meeting about concerns with the recession and how it’s going to affect our company. Now I work for a construction and engineering management firm, and a good percentage of our business comes from infrastructure projects with the cities and the state. They tell you that we’re probably in one of the select industries that can be considered “recession-proof” (whatever that means) – especially with all the infrastructure projects President Obama is promising. Then we hear about one of our bridge projects getting frozen because of lack of funding…

OK, so I don’t build the damn bridge. But I work with the marketing department that gets them the contract to work on the bridge. So I like to convince myself that I’m somewhat indispensible and I really shouldn’t be worried.

But I do. Worry, that is. Who wouldn’t?

You hear about people losing their jobs all the time. I talked to a friend from college and she just got laid off (along with 15 other people, including her sister) from a consumer electronics company after working there for 5 years. I know people who work for the state of California who just found out today that starting next month, state employees will be forced to NOT work (and lose pay) for 2 days/month to try to redirect some money for the overgrowing deficit. But I digress…

So one of the supervisors come back with a pageant-world-peace answer. “[Our company] will be fine as long as everyone continues to focus on what we are supposed to do. We will all ride out this together as a team.”

Was that supposed to be reassuring?

I suppose they wouldn’t outright tell us if the company was in any kind of trouble anyway, but I guess I was expecting something a little more specific. Well, for what it’s worth, I really do like this job amiss the late nights sometimes. And I’ll just keep dreaming of my dream job with Disney for now.

Snippet from Mommy's Letter

Date Nights

I have to admit. Date nights have come a lot easier nowadays that we have more accessible babysitters in hand. But even before, when we had to actually make several calls to find a high school kid that would watch Ethan for a few hours or drive up to Ohio to visit the inlaws, Mike and I always tried to make time for ourselves – even if it was just dinner and a movie.

I read this article from the NY Times several months ago about reinventing date nights that got me thinking then about whether we do enough "exciting" things over the mundane "we're in the same room" kind of spending time together. The article talks about finding a way to “inject novelty” into the relationship whenever possible – thinking outside the box, so to speak. I just recently looked it up again, and it just made me giggle about some of the things that Mike and I have done outside of the sirloin steak and a movie scenario.

My favorite “dates” (in no particular order – and of course, includes some from our pre-Ethan era):

· Calling in sick to work and crossing the border to Mexico.

· Almost dying in a mosh pit at the Warped tour.

· Spending the day driving around in a golf cart at Catalina Island.

· Renting a ridiculously priced beach house at Hermosa Beach for the weekend.

· Riding the world’s tallest and fastest roller coasters at Cedar Point.

· Sightseeing in New York City.

· Horsebackriding on the beach in Rosarito.

· Going skydiving for the first time, and then pursuing skydiving lessons to get our licenses together.

· Visiting the historic Gettysburg.

· Taking a moonlit gondola ride through the marina in Redondo Beach.

· Getting beach-side massages in Cancun.

· Touring the pits at our first NASCAR race.

· Stealing a government vehicle and sneaking out of a military base to go to a party.

· Eloping in Las Vegas, and then dancing to our "first dance" in a casino parking lot.

· Listening to a live jazz band in DC.

· Watching the sunrise on a hot air balloon and following it with wine tasting.

· Night snowboarding in below freezing temperature.

· Cave tubing in Belize.

Notice a lot of my favorites include most of our travels. They come far and few inbetween, but we do try to have at list one big trip every year. Of course, we won't pass any opportunity to check out a local restaurant we both haven't been to, or just catching the new release at the drive-in. Every once in a while, Mike convinces me to do something a little more active like play tennis -- but I tend to favor the eating over the exercising. :) I'm kidding... sort of....

I'll take what I can get! Even if it's just cuddling to watch a DVR episode of House. :)

Our latest conquer: Going to Disneyland just to eat at the infamous Blue Bayou restaurant.

Guess who's coming home...

......... tomorrow!

I'm tearing up just thinking about it. Finally, after months and months and months of being apart, we can start building our home and be a family again.

We've known since last week that he might be coming home. But I had been in the Army long enough to know that nothing is ever guaranteed. They tell you one thing, but do another. So I've tried to play it off. I figured, I would rather be surprised than be disappointed.

The past year hasn't been easy for any of us. Mike and I have weathered through storms before but this one was different. We tried to keep each other's hopes afloat while doing our best to be parents for Ethan... and some days were more difficult than others.

But tomorrow, Mike will finally be coming home.... for good.....

And it's the biggest gift I could have ever asked for this Christmas, hands down.

I'm Thankful for... love

Having someone I love to grow old with.

I'm Thankful for... gifts

Thanksgiving is coming up. I'm disappointed that the one thing missing from making our family whole again still won't be home. Hard times are hard. But even on the worst, if I really try, I can find some reason to feel grateful, some small miracle to help me make it through. And for this Thanksgiving, there are plenty to be thankful for. I'm thankful for...

Being blessed with the gift of motherhood.